


Watching

by unsettled



Category: Body of Lies (2008)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-27
Updated: 2010-08-27
Packaged: 2017-10-11 06:58:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/109706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsettled/pseuds/unsettled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wonders if Hani is watching him watching Hani watching him. Feels caught between two mirrors, multiplied to infinity and stretched beyond the limits of endurance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching

_"This is punishment, my dear. It's a very different thing."_

 

"Keep watching," Hani says, his hand on Roger's shoulder.

Roger doesn't know why this makes him flinch, why his breath stalls in his throat, why this bothers him so much more than he thinks it should. It's not the beating, as unpleasant as it is – but it's not brutal, or cruel, and maybe it's the sheer matter of fact dispensing of judgment and punishment that unsettles him. No, because he is often so dispassionate in similar matters, and he's seen – has participated in – worse. In far worse, and at least he knows there will not be a body to dispose of after this session.

But that's a lie; he knows why he's shaken to the bones by this. It's not the whipping. It's the man behind him, the man he can see, a dark outline reflected in the glass before him, shadowed and unfocused. It's what it means, for him to stand there.

Because … he'd known, intellectually, from his own experiences, even, what went on here. What the nicknames he had bluntly spoken meant. That as a cool and civilized as Hani presented himself, he was the head – the king – undisputed, of this organization, and what they did was only what he would do. Yet he hadn't believed it of Hani, hadn't really allowed himself to connect the facts, although that's often a fatal mistake out here.

There's some small part of him that's – maybe not enjoying – but tasting this and not finding it bitter, unpalatable. That's satisfied at the sight of the man who nearly fucking ruined his plans receiving punishment for it, rather than promotion, unlike his American counterparts. That's faintly, distinctly pleased at the message Hani is sending here – that Hani is choosing to send such a message by showing him this – that Hani, perhaps, returns some small measure of the feelings Roger finds himself caught up in, that Roger wants so desperately to earn from this man. Some respect, some admiration, some enjoyment of company; that Hani trusts Roger enough to take his word, that Hani finds him valuable enough to make an effort to please, to keep, to show Roger is worth more than this man A simple presentation: "You are worth more to me than him; you can see that I will not treat you as poorly as your former employers." That this is a gift to him, a gesture of good will. Of trust. Of courtship.

And that's horrifying. That Hani would go to these lengths to impress him, and to impress upon him the power he holds.

He fears that Hani can feel his panicked heartbeat through their slight contact, Hani's hand heating his skin through jacket and shirt. That Hani can somehow read his thoughts, can sense his satisfaction in this sight, and misread it. Or read it correctly. Think that he's enjoying this. Because Roger can tell Hani's enjoying this, can feel it in the faintest flex of fingers against muscle, can see it reflected in the half lidded eyes staring – not through the window, but straight into the glass – at him, reflected back, and he wonders if Hani is watching him watching Hani watching him. Feels caught between two mirrors, multiplied to infinity and stretched beyond the limits of endurance.

Hani's enjoying this – but not this, the beating. Not the beating part of it. Roger knows him well enough by now, even in just these few days, to know what is coloring Hani's thoughts with pleasure. Control. Power. Trust.

This sight before him that he is ignoring in favor of Roger; it's proof of his power, that he can order this done and it happens. That he can order _only_ this done, and it happens. Of knowing it will only increase his power, for it to be confirmed, again and again, that you obey Hani's wishes or you are punished. That Hani has managed to accomplish something that the Americans would not – could not. Are not capable of doing, and while they might deny any wish to do such things, there is little doubt that they wish for the control Hani has over his people. Over himself. They are not willing to see that Hani's control is a result of the things he has done, the things he will do, and that the only way he can do such things is with a tight self-control, lies in knowing his limits to the very edge, and the limits of those around him, even if they do not. Lies in knowing just how to use that. It is a cycle that has no head or tail, no beginning point that others can observe and use to create their own environment of control.

And Roger knows that's not the only power Hani tastes, thick in the air. He has power over Roger, power that Roger has given him without even noticing. Roger's given him this power, of his own free will – Hani hasn't forced him into anything, isn't holding anything over his head; he can leave this situation any time, and go back to his people, go back to the American way of doing things, and the fact that that sticks in his throat is no one's fault but his own. Roger's given him this power, and Hani's having his way with it now, telling Roger to stay, to watch, knowing that he doesn't want to; pushing him, pushing him into something Roger knows better than to avoid; doing what's best for him, in the end. Hani's hand is heavy against Roger's back, and he could, at any time, duck away from it. Hani's not holding him here, not forcing him into anything; Hani's doing him a favor.

Because- Because if Hani's hand wasn't there … he'd stay anyway. He'd stay, and then he'd have to ask himself: why hadn't he left? Had he stayed because this was something he wanted to watch? Wanted to watch something that almost every part of him screamed was wrong? Or had he stayed because Hani had told him to, and then, then- what did that mean, that he would stay for something like this simply because Hani had told him to. But with the weight of Hani's hand on him, he can tell himself it's not his choice. Can give in without making a choice, without facing himself in the mirrored glass.

Can lean back, ever so slightly, into Hani's hand.


End file.
